My Crazy Beautiful Life
by lifesaver55
Summary: Bosco looses himself somewhere between his dreams and his reality. Whats real...His life with Seajae or his life he thought he left behind.
1. All By Myself

My Crazy Beautiful Life

Chapter One: All By Myself 

Marice Boscorelli sat in his car and watched the traffic creep by. It was still early and the sun was just drifting below the New York skyline. Sasha Monroe sat next to him. He knew she was wondering what was going on in his head. He wasn't ready to share what he was thinking. Over the past year or so Sasha had become a friend as well as his partner. She was over to the house just like the rest of the pricient and firehouse. But today he needed to keep the things he was thinking about to himself.

"How's Baily ajusting to life in New York?" Sasha broke Bosco out of his thoughts.

"Great. He loves school and his sisters and brother. It's like the kids been part of our lives forever."

"I'm glad to here that. My sister and nephew are coming into town next week. I was wondering if…"

"If what?"

"Seajae invited me to dinner…can I bring them along." Bosco smiled and sipped his coffee.

"You know my wife, the more the merrier." Sasha knew Seajae Boscorelli lived for friends and family.

"She needs to know that there are still familys that have dinner together and care about eachother. Our parents didn't provide that."

"You thing our crazy life will influence her to do what?"

"Your family isn't the Brady's or the Cleavers. They're what families should be. Connected and happy. You have Baily and Hope who niether of you had to love but you love them the same as you do Angle and Mac. I need my sister to know that someone will love her no matter what. She thinks that Trent will have to be the love her life till he's 18."

"So she thinks that no man will love her because she has a kid."

"Yes." Sasha looked at the people outside. It was fall and the heat had not yet left the East Coast. People milled around in shorts and tank tops like summer was still with them. "I need her to know that all men are not like her father."

"Her father?"

"My dad died when I was two. My mom married Hamilton West a year later. He never accepted me as a human much less the child of the woman he loved. When Shelly came along it was all about her. Even my mom got sucked into the Hamilton Votex. I was invisable for a lot of years. Then Shelly got into drugs and then got pregnant. They disowned her. By then I was long gone but I picked up the pieces for her. Our parents died about a year after Trent was born."

"I couldn't love Hope any more if she was my own. I'm sorry he couldn't love you like that." Sasha smiled.

"See that's why I want Shelly to see the way you are. And the McKenzies and Carlos and Peggy. You guys are the epitimy of blended families. I want her to know a man can love you and your kids too."

"Well you know my wife. She wants the world to be as happy as she is so she'll do everything in her power to see that your sister leaves believing anything is possible."

"Thanks Bosco. I knew I could count on you."

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At midnight Bosco unlocked the front door of his apartment. It was quiet. It was a rarity that the Boscorelli house was quiet. Seajae had court all day so she never made it to the station. The light above the stove was on and a note hung from the pot on the burner.

Bosocrelli,

You missed dinner again. Should I be jelouse you'd rather eat with your parnter then your family? Sasha's welcome here too you know. Chilis in the pot, put the rest away, kiss your kids good night and come to bed. I miss you. Seajae

Bosco wasn't really hungry. He hadn't been lately. He hoped his wife wouldn't notice if he just put the pot in the fridge and didn't eat anything. He lifted the pot and put it away.

"You need to eat Maurice." He looked up to see his wife in her robe standing in bedroom doorway.

"I grabbed a sandwhich while doing paperwork earlier." He hated ling to her but he didn't want to fight. Not tonight. "How's things on the homefront?"

"Fine. Everyone came home."

"Good." He leaned agaist the counter. "Sasha wants bring her sister to dinner on Sunday. I said it was ok."

"Sure. The more the merrier."

"That's what I told her."

"Why are you still over there?" Bosco smiled.

"I thought we were catching up?"

"Can't we do that in a closer poxsimity?" Bosco walked to his wife and took her in his arms.

"Better?"

"Oh yeah." She snuggled agaist him. "I missed you Bosco."

"I missed you too. How was court?" He kissed the to of her head.

"Same old." Looking up at her husband she kissed him. "You look tired."

"Thanks."

"Hey anytime. Maybe you should take it easy."

"Look who's talking. I'm fine and I look tired because I'v been up since seven thirty taking care of my wife and kids and the good people of my assingned district." He kissed her again. "Let's take this to bed and we both can rest our weary heads." Bosco turned and went down the hall and kissed the kid's goodnight and tucked them all in. Seajae smiled and took her husbands hand and let him to bed.

-----------------------

Morning came way too soon. Bosco rolled over and pulled his wife to him. He needed to feel her warmth. He'd been so cold lately. Feeling so very alone even when his family sorrounded him. Seajae leaned into him and ran her hand over his.

"What's wrong?" She could feel his tesion.

"I never want to leave this spot."

"You know you won't get any agument from me." She snuggled closer to him. "But sooner or later we'll be missed."

"Who cares." Bosco held his wife close. I just want us to be as happy as we have been forever.

"We don't have to stay in bed to be happy Bosco."

"I know. It just seems safer here. Nothing can go wrong if you never get out of bed." Seajae knew something deeper was bothering her husband but the phone rang pushing all thoughts of Bosco's troubles out of her mind. "Don't answer that Seajae."

"I have to. It might be an emergecy."

"I know. It's always an emergency. Please just once let it ring." The look in Bosco's eyes broke her heart but she reached over him and answered it anyway.

"Seajae Boscorelli."

"Seajae it's Sully, let me talk to Bosco." She handed the phone to her husband.

"It's Sully for you." He took the phone and she started to get up but Bosco tuned pinning her to the bed.

"I'm not though with you." He put the phone up to his ear. "Yeah what do you need old man?"

"None of your smart mouth that's for sure." Bosco smiled a little. Sully was in a mood. "We're having a bit of a problem in holding."

"And this becomes my problem because?"

"It's the guy you arrested at the end of your shift last night. The drunk in the black SUV."

"What's he saying I did?"

"He ain't saying nothing Bosco. He's dead." Bosco rolled off his wife and stood up.

"He wasn't that way when I put him in there."

"While I tend to believe you I have a jag off IAD crawling up my ass as we speak."

"Another lovely day at Club Boscorelli." He hung up the phone and put his arms on his knees and rubbed his face.

"You okay?" Seajae sat on the bed.

"Do I look okay?" Bosco went to the closet and got a shirt and pulled it on and slid into the jeans that layed over the hamper. "I need to go to work. I don't if I'll be back before my shift."

"Bosco what's wrong?"

"Nothing a good union rep will get me out of." He put on his sneakers and tied them not wanting to deal with any more drama then he had to. Seajae came around the bed. She took his arm.

"It can't be that bad."

"Well it can't get much worse. I'll see you later." He pulled his arm out of her grasp and headed for the door.

"You forget your manners Boscorelli." He turned and looked at her. Heading down the hall he went into his son's room. Baily was sitting on the floor with his two sisters and little brother on his lap. He was reading a story.

"I was keeping them busy so you and mom could sleep in." Bosco smiled at his newly aquired son.

"Unfourtunatly Sully made that a little difficault but thank you." He bent down and the three little ones came and hugged their father. "Dad's gotta go to work for a little bit." He kissed them all. "I love you guys." He stood and headed out the door.

"Dad?" Baily stood up.

"Yeah son."

"It'll work out…whatever it is."

"You think so huh?"

"Yeah. Mom wouldn't let it end anyother way." Bosco knew that in his heart that Seajae wouldn't let this break him or take him away. But maybe it was time he fought his own battles.

"No she wouldn't. See ya later."

"Yeah. Take care of yourself."

"I will. You take care of everyone else, okay."

"You got it." Bosco turned and left the children in the capable hands of their big brother. Seajae was sitting at the table, starring at her cup of coffee. Bosco went to her and sqatted down and took her chin in his hand.

"I can handle this."

"You don't have to do it alone."

"I know but sometimes I just need to try. A man is dead. A man that I was the last person he had contact with. I'm sure it's nothing but I need to check it out myself." He kissed the top of her head as he got up. "I love you more then life itself Seajae but right now I need to do this by myself." He grabbed his keys, his gun from the safe and his jacket and headed out to find out his fate…all by himself.


	2. Beyond My Control

My Crazy Beautiful Life

Chapter Two: Beyond My Control 

Bosco headed into the squad room. Sully was at the front desk. He looked up to see the angry tired of eyes of his good friend. God he hated making that call this morning. He saw the wearness when Bosco left last night. Niether him or Sasha called out for a dinner break last night. Something was wrong with the male half of team Boscorelli and John Sullivan hopped he hadn't let whatever it was get in the way of his job.

"Take a seat in Seajae's office Bosco. Timmons will be with you in a few minutes." Sully watched Bosco turn then stopping infront of Sully.

"What happened?"

"He slit his wrists."

"With what?"

"A pen knife."

"No way. I checked him at the scene and Sash checked him before she put him in the cell. Sully the man was clean."

"I'm telling you more then I should now go up to your wifes office and sit there before Timmons starts chewing on my ass again. Your union rep is on her way."

"Her way?"

"Faith." Bosco breathed a sigh of relief. Faith knew him better then anyone. She would know he wasn't that carless. Sasha either for that matter.

"Thanks old man." Sully looked at the younger man he despised for so many years.

"Make us pround kid." Sully retuned to his papers and Bosco headed up to Seajae's office. He sat on the couch he spent too many hours on waiting for his wife to finnish 'just one more thing.' The couch that he made love to her more then once. He looked around the office. Someone had painted it recently. A few new pictures hung on the wall. There was one of him and Baily and one of the kids. There was also one with the caption 'Second Genertation Camolot'. It was a picture taken right after they came back from Texas. It was all the kids the Five-five had produces including Baily. Bosco smiled. The door opened and Damian Timmons steped in. Bosco stood up.

"Detective Timmons."

"Sgt. Boscorelli." Bosco stood closer to Seajae's desk. Timmons looked around. "Good looking kids you have their Sgt."

"Thank you." Bosco leaned on the desk. "What can I do for you Detective?"

"Tell me what happened last night?"

"Not a problem. Officer Monroe and I pulled over Alberto Sikes about nine fifteen. He had been swerving for about eight blocks…"

"Eight blocks is a long time to wait to pull someone over."

"I know but the road was clear and we gave him a wide birth to be sure."

"Were you or Monroe driving?"

"I was. We pulled him over at King and Roosevelt. Monroe ran the plates and I walked up to the vihicle. I could smell rum on him before I hit the back door."

"Rum, you're sure?"

"Yeah, I grew up tending bar for my ma and now my wife and I own a bar on Arther. I can tell you what kinda of teqilia is in a glass six stool down with my eyes closed."

"Okay so you smelled rum. What then?"

"I asked for his ID. He handed me it and his registration and insurance card, which shocked the shit out of me because smelling the way he did he was being genourouse with his paper work. Anyway I told him to hand me his keys too because I wasn't taking any chances. I handed Monroe his papers and she told the plates came back to him but his license was revoked and that if he was drunk it would be his seventh offence in as many years."

"So what did you do?"

"I asked him to step out. He did. Stumbled a bit and I caught him. He was coopertive and willing to do the field test. I patted him down. He had another set of keys and his wallet. That was it. I handed them to Monroe and cuffed him. The man wasn't brazen or unplesent. He knew what he did and just did what he was told."

"What about when he got here?"

"Samething here. We finnished the paperwork. Monore patted him down again and uncuffed him and put him in the cell. He sat down and put his head in his hands and that's where we left him. Alive with abosolutly nothing on him but the clothes on his back."

"You'll swear by this?"

"Yeah." Faith came in.

"You shouldn't have said anything Bosco till I got here."

"I got nothing to hide." He looked at his best friend of nearly twenty years. She believed in him when no other person in the world had.

"Good. Glad to hear it." She smiled.

"Okay so I have this typed up and you can sign it." Timmons looked at Bosco. "If Monroe's story is the same we'll have to look into how he got the knife."

"I admit we didn't clear the cell before we put him in there but then again it wasn't our job. I try to do it regularly but it was late."

"Boscorelli like you said that wasn't your job. That will be something else we will look into but from this I'm thinking you did everything by the book." Bosco looked surprised. He never delt with an IAD prick that wasn't …well…a prick. Timmons reached out and Bosco shook his hand. Gathering his papers the man left Bosco and Faith alone.

"That went well." She looked at her friend.

"I think so. I was scared to death when I got here."

"I bet your wife will be happy it went so well." Bosco's smile turned into a scowl. "What?"

"I'm the one with my ass on the line and all anyone can think about is Seajae. Baily thinks if I can't handle it she can and your worried about how it will affect her if I blow my Internal Affairs interview." Standing up he swung open the door. "You know I did pretty well for myself before her. I survived thirty-two years without her taking care of me. I'm a big boy Faith I don't answer to Seajae or anyone else for that matter." Storming down the stairs he headed striaght for the bar, Faith left Seajae's office and slowly went down the stairs.

"Timmons said it went well. That Sgt. Mc.Kenzie does not look like it went well."

"After living the last eight years in his wife's shadow I think he wants a little sunshine for himself."

"Is this going to be a drama? Cause Faith, I'm too friggen old for Drama."

"Sully my friend, I see a whole lotta drama in our future."

"Ah hell."

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Bosco took the keys to the bar and opened the back door. It was only nine o'clock but he knew Willy would have a pot of coffee on and The View on the big screen. Locking the door behind him he went to the office and dropped his keys on the desk and put his gun in the safe. Going tward the sound of Joy Baers crackling voice he found Willy Gerret right where he knew he would be. Behind the bar with a keg of coffee and wiping every spot off of every glass in the place.

"Hey boss man. Early this morning."

"Yeah just a little." Bosco grabbed a coffe mug and a bottle of scotch.

"Long night?"

"Just a hell of a morning my friend." Willy knew Bosco since he was a rookie. He had tended bars with Angela Boscorelli for a lot of years before she bought her own place and hired him. Something was eating away at Maurice Boscorelli. Willy hoped he could help his friend out.

"Want to talk about it?" Bosco sat down in a big over stuffed leather chair.

"Not really but thanks."

"Well if you need me, you know where to find me." Willy went back to his glasses and Bosco started his decent into his bottle of scotch.

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It was two hours later when Willy broke down and went into the back room and made a phone call. Two and half-hours later Jimmy Dohorty took the seat across from Bosco and the bottle of scotch from his hand.

"Willy you're a trader."

"I asked if you wanted to talk about it." He wiped another glass. "I found someone who can make you talk." He went back to his glasses.

"What's eating you man?"

"Jimmy go home and sort out your own shit and stay out of mine."

"I have no shit to sort out. My wife is loving the crap out of me I have three of the most amazing kids in the world and my job is going terrific. So since my life is in harmony I've come to help you, my friend find harmony in yours."

"Who the hell put the happy in your happy meal. Christ Jimmy you sound like a kid at Christmas."

"There was a time when we all wanted a piece of the Boscorelli happiness pie. You walked around with this shit ass grin on your face. Something happen in Texas?"

"Nothing happened in Texas that you don't know about."

"Well something happened to you between there and here and now."

"Have you ever felt like you lost yourself?"

"Lost myself? Like how?"

"Like you don't know where you end and Kim begins."

"That's being married man. You become one."

"But are you suppose to loose yourself?"

"You give up a piece of yourself."

"It seems it's all about her lately. What she thinks. What she needs. I love my wife Jimmy don't get me wrong but my ass was in a sling today and my own son told me if I couldn't handle it Seajae would make it right." He took a drink from his mug. "Then when I got IAD off my ass all by myself Faith was relieved my wife wouldn't freak out because I was a bad boy." Bosco laughed. "It's all about her all of the time and I guess I just need something to be about me for once. Is that too much to ask?" His head started to spin right then and things became blurry.

"Bosco?" Jimmy came to him. His eyes were cloudy and then rolled into the back of his head. "Willy call a bus now!" Jimmy pulled him off the chair and laid him on the hardwood floor. "We'll Maurice you got your wish. It's all about you today." Jimmy cleared his airway and checked his pulse. "You're going to make me give your CPR you bastard." Jimmy compressed Bosco's chest and tilted his head giving him livesaving breath. "You will not do this to me Bosco. Not now. Not ever." Compressing his chest Jimmy heard the sirens. "See you son of a bitch. You're going to live. And when your all better I'm going to kill you." Willy came and helped him. "I'm going to kill him Willy. If he doesn't die I will kill him."

--------------

Flashes of light made hurt his eyes. He sqinted. Trying to turn away from them. He heard his name and someone slapping at his hands.

"Damit Bosco you have tube down your throat. Stop fighting me." Kim? What the hell was Kim doing in his bed and where was Seajae? What the hell was going on? "Give him something Ken before he rips his IV out."

"When the hell did you get your medical degree woman? I'm the MD here not you."

"Well then grow a set and give him something."

"Your assesment tells me shit Dohorty. Your husband told me even less."

"He downed half a bottle of thirty-year old scotch, started ranting and passed out, quit breathing. What more to you need to know?"

"Shit I don't know. Anything…what he ate, what he was feeling anything."

"He ate a sandwhich at about ten last night." Seajae was standing in the door of the emergency room. "He got a call from Sully about seven and he took off." Jimmy stood behind her.

"A guy he brought in at the end of his shift last night killed himself in the cell. IAD just cleared him and Monroe."

"Thank you." Ken gave Bosco something to relax him and then continued his assesment. Seajae looked at Jimmy.

"Jimmy talk to me."

"That's all I know kiddo. I called Sully and he told me IAD cleared him of the guys' death. He was at the bar. Willy called me when he drank half the bottle."

"He's drank three forths of a bottle before. What happened?"

"Seajae…I…" He looked at Bosco. "I wish I knew." Could Bosco's feeling of insecurity have caused a heart attack or worse. Jimmy knew he couldn't tell his friend that her husband had wanted a piece of himself back. That he was tired of everyone needing his wife more then they needed him. What ever happened Bosco's life was slipping away and he couldn't stop it. It was beyond his control.


	3. Somewhere Between Wrong and Gone

My Crazy Beautiful Life

Chapter Three: Somewhere Between Wrong and Gone

Maurice Boscorelli was one stubburn pig headed son of a bitch. That saying was going to be carved on his tombstone. Ken Miller sat in his office with Cooper Sinclair. They both were working on only half-dozon hours of sleep in the past three days. Nothing was coming up on any of Bosco's test. Other then a lack of appitite and a little moodiness nothing had been wrong with the man.

"You got anything?" Coop looked at his colliege.

"Your guess is as good as mine. I tested him for everthing from the flu to mono to diptheria. I'm at a loss. I had a team from Austin check out the ranch there to see if he might have been exposed to something there. But if the kids and Seajae aren't sick…I don't know."

"I had the Scotch tested too. Nothing but a damn good bottle of booze." Cooper let out a long breath. "Now I'm going to have to deal with a pissed off wife."

"Yours or his?"

"Both if you don't crack this thing. There's got to be something…anything." Ken thew the file he was looking at on his desk. "I have Jimmy and Joey tracing his steps for the last three days. Other then the dead guy in the cell no one Bosco came in contact with has anything wrong with them."

"Has Seajae left his side?"

"Nope. I can't even get her to smoke a cigarette." Ken stared and looked out the window. "She's going down hill fast."

"I'll call Maddie maybe she can talk her into going home for a bit."

"Half the NYPD had tried."

"You know Maddie, she loves a challenge." Cooper took his phone out of his pocket and dialed his wife.

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Seajae looked out the window to the grey New York morning. Three days ago everything was going well. They were happy and healthy and today her dear, sweet, husband lie in a bed, uncounsiose and no one knew why.

"Penny for your thoughts." Seajae turned around to see Maddie Sinclair.

"I only have one thought today."

"I know." The younger woman put her hand on Seajae's shoulder. "Be strong for the kids. They need you. He doesn't really." Seajae turned and looked at Maddie. "He's a big boy. He will pull though or not weather your hear or not." Coming from a doctor's wife Seajae found her answer criptic.

"What are you saying Maddie?"

"Just go home. I'll stay. Take care of your family." Something was wrong. Maddie was dismissing her like somekind of intruder.

"Bosco is my family Maddie. He's everything to me." She looked at the younger woman. "The kids would want me here."

"The kids need a parent and ones in a coma. They need you home."

"Well what kind of mother would I be if I left the father of my children along."

"A mother who cares. Seajae it's been three days. Go home get a shower. Hug your babies." Seajae looked at Bosco.

"Give me a few minutes with him please." Maddie smiled and left the room. "They're kicking me out baby." Seajae went and held his hand. "Please Bosco whatever it is…we… I can make it better…I need you so damn bad it hurts." Tears flowed down her cheeks. "Whatever it is…just come back to me Maurice. I can't live without you." Kissing his lips Seajae left her husband's side for the first time in three days.

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Alex Davis sat her pregnant body on the park bench next to Maddie Sinclair. She knew that Maddie had finally gotten Seajae home from the hospital. She rubbed her belly thinking of Seajae and everything they all have been though.

"You talk to Jimmy?" Maddie watched the kids playing.

"Yeah. Think they're in trouble?"

"Big trouble." Maddie took off her sunglasses and looked at Alex. "When he pulls his ass out of this coma we need to figure out a way for him to prove he's still the man he needs to be."

"How do we go about that?" Maddie smiled and sipped her coffee.

"Erase her."

"What?"

"Erase Seajae and all that goes along with her."

"All your years in hiding has made you a bit loopy Maddie. We can't just erase everything Seajae and Bosco have done over the last eight years. That would take a whole lotta magic."

"Not really. Not if we kept him in the hospital for a few weeks."

"So what your saying is we are going to erase Seajae and four kids in the span of a few weeks."

"It can be done."

"Seajae will not go for it."

"If I explain to her the effects it will have." Alex looked at Maddie and shook her head.

"I know Seajae and she will not in a million years go for this."

"We'll explain it as the Christmas Carol Boscorelli style."

"Have you talked this over with anyone else?"

"You're the first one I had a chance to talk to." Alex smiled.

"Tell the emotional, hormonal one and they all will follow? It won't work with this bunch. I'm telling you."

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Friday night at the Boscorelli's wasn't the happy affair they all imagined it would be but everyone showed up none the less. Sasha brought her sister and nephew and everyone brought a dish and a whole lot of love for the Boscorelli family. Maddie Sinclair sat next to Seajae at the head of the table. When it was time for a toast Seajae looked at Maddie and held back the tears that threated to fall. Maddie took her friends hand and looked at the twenty some people in front of them. She nodded her head and Maddie stood.

"I think this is the biggest Boscorelli dinner I've been to ever." She smiled. "As you all know Saturday was a hell of a day here last week. And this week hasn't gotten any better. Though a lot of talking amoungst ourselves we've learned some things about Bosco and the things he's been carrying around for quite sometime. I talked to Seajae and we've come to a decision that well some of you are going to have some problems with. Just so you know it was my idea so all the negitive input should by all means fall on my shoulders." Maddie looked at Sully. She knew he didn't like games and this one was going to be the mother of all games. Seajae stood.

"As of tomorrow morning…me and Bosco's children will siece to exsist."

"What!" Sully looked at Seajae.

"Ahh…Maddie and well some others think that Bosco was feeling…upstaged by me. I know that sounds wiered but when I think back I have been the one who's either saving someone or being saved and well frankly I think it's getting a little old for him. People worried about me all the time and coming to me to fix problems. Maybe if I didn't exsist…"

"No way Seajae." Sully stood up. "You will not mess with that boys head that way. Whatever you have up you sleave stuff it back up there. All Bosco needs is you and your kids. You can't just take that away from him. Have him wake up and you not be part of his life." Sully looked at Seajae. "He loves you so much. If he's convince you were a dream it may turn him into the prick he was eight years ago and he may go over the edge."

"It would just be at the hospital. A controled invironment."

"I will not be a part of this Seajae. " Sully reached for Annaalise. "Tatianna take Ethan and lets go."

"But Sully…"

"NOW!" He took his coat and daughter and headed out the door.

"I am so sorry." Tatianna took her son and followed her husband out the door.

"We're all going to hell you know that." Ty looked at Seajae.

"It only would work if he thought it was going to work." Maddie looked at Seajae. "You okay?"

"The man who I respect the most in this world believes I'm abandoning my husbad. I'm just peachy." Seajae slammed her chair in and went upstairs.

"She's not strong enough to do this." Kim held Sean close.

"As long as no on lets her go to the hospital we'll be fine." Maddie sat down. Sasha's sister looked at the people around her. Shelly knew why her sister brought her here today. To show her that you didn't have to share blood to be family. She took her sister's hand and sqeezed it. She gave Sasha a knowing smile. Even with the crisis at hand she understood. Now if only the Boscorelli's can find one more happily ever after.

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Sully sat next to Bosco's bed. He looked at the pale face of the young man that he'd grown to care for like a son. He wouldn't let them take Bosco's family away from him. Even if he had to stay here till Christmas. Ken Miller watched the older man from the doorway. He shook his head. Bosco had some good friends and Miller figured he was looking at the best one he had at the moment.

"Bosco you need to wake up. Your life whatever you thought was going wrong, well it will only get worse if you don't wake up soon. You need to wake up. You need to get back to your life and do what you need to do to get your shit together." Sully was getting angry now thinking of how Maddie was going to concel Bosco's family. Think he was dreaming the last eight years. "Come on Bosco." Sully thought that maybe it was wishful thinking when Bosco's eyes fluttered a bit. "That's it kid fight it." Ken Miller left his post at the doorway and came into the room.

"I think you hit a nerve Sullivan."

"It's about damn time." Bosco slowly opened his eyes. Panic kicked in and the tube in his throat constricted his breath.

"Calm down my friend. You have a tube down your throat. Relax, take a deep breath." Ken slowly pulled the resperator tube up and out of Bosco's throat. "Don't talk. Let's get some water for you first." Ken grabbed the glass by the table and geave it to Bosco. "Slowly." Ken pulled the straw away after a few drinks. "Better?"

"Yeah…" Bosco answered slowly. "What the hell hit me?"

"We're not sure. I'm leaning toward a mild strok." Bosco looked at the man who had saved his life as well as his wifes more then once.

"Stroke?"

"That's the only thing that keeps coming up." Ken checked Bosco's vitals as he spoke. "You were out for nearly a week."

"Seajae…the kids?"

"Their fine."

"Sully?"

"Yeah Bosco."

"What did I do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Seajae's not here. I must of…did something." Ken stepped away from his friend and patiant.

"Doc can you leave us alone for a minute."

"Sure. No stress though Sullivan."

"I'll try." Ken took Bosco's chart and headed out.

"You'll try? Sully, please tell me everythings ok."

"Do you remember anything about before you past out?" Sully went and stood next to Bosco's bed.

"I was drinking a bottle of scotch…Jimmy came by and ruined my buzz."

"You told Jimmy you were loosing yourself. That Seajae was…overshadowing you." Bosco closed his eyes. Leave it to him to spill his guts to a big mouth like Jimmy.

"I was having a bad day."

"Well your wife was ready to do some drastic things to make you feel less…overshadowed by her. I didn't want her to do what I think she was going to do so I've been sitting here. Waiting for her or you to wake up."

"I…I guess I just want to feel needed. Is that so bad?" Now Bosco felt a little silly. It sounded so childish.

"You really don't know how much your wife needs you? Your friends?" Sully sat on the chair next to the bed. "Bosco…I know that Seajae seems to be needed but everyone else at one time or another. But you're her first concern each and everyday. If you were feeling less then appricated you should of said something."

"Now that I say it, it sounds so selfish. So wrong. I mean I love my wife and family more then anything in the world. And anyman would kill to have friends like I do. Why do I feel like I'm lost in this huge void?"

"Because your human. Bosco just because your not the go to guy all the time doesn't make you a lesser person." Sully tried to pick his words carefully. "Seajae has this presents that overwelms a lot of people. You are her best friend and the love of her life. What she does she does for you and her family."

"They why do I feel like I'm not making a difference."

"It's a form of depression." Bosco and Sully looked toward the door. Cooper Sinclair was standing in the doorway. "Sorry. I heard Bosco was awake and I stopped by to see for myself."

"Cooper, really I'm like the least deprest person in the room."

"It's okay to be deprest Bosco. People in your line of work fall prey to it all the time." Sully looked at his friend. He knew Bosco was going though some stuff but depression…he wasn't sure that was it.

"Maybe but I'm not unhappy. I just don't know why I feel like Seajae…" Bosco took a deep breath. "God I sound like such an ass even thinking about it now."

"Maybe if you say the words the feelings will go away." Sully was grasping at straws but he wanted to help is friend.

"That she's better then me. A better cop, a better parent, a better person. Everyone needs Seajae, everyone wants her happy. What about me. Who cares if I'm happy or not. Who needs me." Bosco shook his head. "See it's as childish as it sounds." Cooper pulled a chair next to Sully.

"Bosco my friend it's not childish. It's human. And I think I can speak for Sully and everyone else that we all need you just as much as we need Seajae. Then there's Seajae. That woman needs you like she needs air to breathe. Your children need you."

"I can't speak for Baily but I was around the month you went missing. Between your wifes drinking and your kids crying themselves to sleep at night I would say that you're the most important thing in there lives Bosco. And now what I've seeen with Baily the last cople of months he thinks your pretty important to him too." Sully gave him that stern bad cop look. "People go their whole lives without anyone caring for them that way or needed them that way. We see it everyday Bosco. People on the street who have no one and no one care that their out there." Bosoc closed his eyes knowing his friends were right.

"So the stroke…could it of…"

"There's barly any damage. If you were stressed and your blood pressure rose it might have caused the stroke. I haven't gone over the most recent test but other then a few lifestyle changes you should be as good as new. Body that is."

"Well the two of you cleared my mind quite a bit." Bosco looked at his friends. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You married a strong, pigheaded, loving woman. Along with your stubburen, pigheadedness there's bound to be some friction. You just need to tell your wife when you're the one feeling it." Cooper stood up. "I am going to find my lovely wife and make sure she doen't plan any interventions without consulting his doctor." Sully laughed and picked up the phone.

"You want to talk to your wife?" He looked at Bosco.

"Yeah. I want to talk to my beautiful, pigheaded, incredibly sexy wife." Sully handed hin the phone. He hoped that Bosco's feelings of inatiquisy, no matter how wrong they were, were gone.


	4. The Nightmere of My Life

My Crazy Beautiful Life

Chapter Four: The Nightmere of My Life 

"Seajae?"

"Bosco…oh God is it real you?"

"Yeah baby it's me."

"You left me again."

"Only for awhile. I came back."

"You can't do that anymore. You scare the hell out of me you know that?"

"We'll it was no picnic here." Seajae heard the edge in his voice.

"I know. I'm sorry. Can we make this right Maurice?"

"I don't know but I want to try."

"I need you here with me. I can't make it without you."

"The same goes for me."

"You want me to come down there?"

"It's late. Kids asleep?"

"Baily just put them down. He's been a big help."

"He said he'd take care of things. I didn't think I'd be gone this long."

"Do you want me to come there?"

"No get some sleep. Ken just came in to give me some medication and I'm sure something to make me sleep."

"You've slept for the last week." Bosco laughed.

"Tell that to the man with the needle. Get some rest and come see me in the morning."

"You know I can't sleep without you."

"Yes you can. Kiss the kids' goodnight for me. I love you Seajae."

"Not as much as I love you Bosco. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Bosco handed the phone to Sully as Ken put meds in his IV. "Is that as good as the scotch that put me here?"

"No but it'll take less time to work and you won't wake up with a hangover." Ken laughed and headed out.

"I guess I better go." Sully stood up.

"You mind staying with me? Just till I fall asleep." Sully sat back down.

"No. I don't mind at all."

"Thanks for listening to me tonight."

"That's what friends are for." Bosco's eyes grew heavy.

"Thank you for being my friend John." Sully held back a tear.

"Your very welcome Maurice. You'd do the same for me."

"Don't make me have to." Bosco closed his eyes and fell into a deep dream plaged sleep.

-----------------

The sun shown bright though the sunroof. Bosco turned over and his hand hit a warm body. Taking the pillow off his head he smiled. It had been a dream. All a really bad dream. He reached for the woman next to him and she purred like a kitten. Bosco kissed her shoulder and let his hand wonder down her body. He got to the spot just below her right hipbone and stopped. The skin was smooth and not at all like he remembered. He moved his a little just to be sure. This wasn't his wife. Whoever she was she was thirty pounds thinner and had no scare. The woman turned.

"Nicole." Her name slipped out with a hiss between his lips.

"MMMM morning baby." Bosco sat straight up. He quickly got out of bed and scrambled for his jeans. What had Ken given him? God, he…he was in his bed with Nicole. What if the kids or worse Seajae was in the next room? What had he done? He went out into the living room. He looked around for signs of the kids or his wife. But for some odd reason there were none. The apartment looked just as it did…before. Before Seajae remolded just after Angel was born. Reaching for the phone he dialed Faith's. The number he rembered wasn't yet assinged to a phone the operator told him. Someone must still have the same number…the phone rang in his hand.

"Hello?"

"Bosco? Is that you?"

"Faith, thank God its you."

"Your gonna be late."

"Late…I just went to bed."

"Bosco it's almost two. Get you ass down here."

"Yeah…I'm on my way." He threw a sweatshirt that was hanging on a chair on and grabbed his keys. He reached for the safe that held his guns but it wasn't there. "What the hell." He thought about it and looked at the chair where he'd gotten the shirt. His shoulder holster hung over the chair. Gun tucked inside. Crap Seajae would have his hide if he left…but Seajae wasn't there. Where the hell was she. Bosco went downstairs not even taking in what was around him. He tore out of the door to find his mustange at the curb. Something was really wrong. Whatever Ken had given to sleep was messing with his mind. Bosco was tearing down the road when he rembered his cell phones. Taking it out of his pocket he dialed a number that handn't change even if the phone had.

"McBride."

"Seajae?"

"Yes this is Agent McBride can I help you."

"Ahh…. Yeah maybe…you don't know me, I'm a S…police officer with the 55 in New York."

"I'm scheduled to report there tomorrow. Is there something I need to know?"

"Yeah…you're going to run into a guy with a big mouth…and even bigger attitude…just cut him some slack because..." What could he say? You'll be the love of his life? "He might just be…a really nice guy. Give him a chance." Bosco hung up and wondered who he pissed off to loose the one thing in the world he needed the most. He pulled into the station and parked. Sitting in his car wasn't going to change the fact that Seajae…well he wasn't sure what the hell happened but his life was back to where he started almost ten years ago which ment it was September 22, 2002. A day before the day that changed his life. A knock broke him out of his thoughs.

"You're late Boscorelli…again." It was Jason Christopher.

"Yeah man just give me a minute okay." He looked at Bosco. "Please."

"Yeah…but get in there, soon." He walked away. Bosoco looked in his rear view mirror. He looked like shit. No wonder Christopher let it slide. Running his hands over his face he leaned back. This is what Sully had warned him about. That if he thought things would be better if he hadn't of met Seajae it might really happen. But it couldn't. No one could mess with time like that. He was loosing his mind. He got out and grabbed his duffle bag and headed to face the hardest day he had to face in almost ten years. Swerzsky was at his post at the front desk. Bosco took two steps at a time and headed to the locker room ignoring the older man's ranting. He was changed and into the rolecall room in three minutes. He slid next to Faith and hoped they could find a quiet street and wait out the next eight hours.

---------------

Faith got her radio and looked for Bosco. He was in the car. In the passangers seat. Faith could tell it was going to be a long, long, long night. She got in and ajusted the seat.

"I cleaned the back seat." Faith looked puzzled.

"Thank you." She checked her radio and logged in. "You gonna tell me what crawled up your ass?"

"Yeah. Find a quiet street and I'll tell you the whole sorted story." Faith wasn't sure if he was kidding or not. She pulled out and headed for the nearst coffe shop and then to the quietest street she could find. Handing Bosco a coffee she sat and looked at the trees just starting to change color.

"So…"

"Have you ever hand a dream that was so real you felt like…it was real?"

"Sure we all have."

"One that spaned ten years?" Faith looked at her partner.

"Ten years?"

"Yeah. I…I woke up this morning with ten years of memories. My memories. Memories of a woman, of you, of our children." Faith nearly choked on her coffee. "Not yours and mine together." The thought of being anything more then friends with Faith had long left his mind. Even before Seajea.

"So how long have you been having these dreams?"

"One dream. One night. I went to bed last night and this morning it was all clear in my mind. My memories. My feelings. My thoughts. They were all of ten years I have yet to live."

"So what was this life like?" Bosco sipped his coffee.

"Incredible, depressing, wonderful, heartwrenching. I meet this woman. Tomorrow in fact. She's the US Marshall coming to work on checking out terroist threats around our precient."

"You dreamed you meet her tomorrow?"

"September 23, 2002."

"You're yanking my chain Bosco."

"No. I called her. In my dream it the one thing I know. Seajae's cell phone number. In all the years I'd known her she changed phones but never her number. She always kept the same one."

"So you called her?"

"Yeah. Seajae McBride does exsist. She's coming to work with us tomorrow."

"What else happens in this dream?"

"I get married, have three…no four kids. Oh god…Baily."

"Baily?"

"He's my son. The woman I dated right out of the rangers moved to California and had my son. He's…only seven now. I never thought about all this. If I knew Seajae's number then Baily is real too."

"Bosco you're loosing it."

"No. I'm finding it. Seajae will be at work tomorrow and my dream can become real. And ma…oh God. Faith she died…in my dream in…" Bosco tried to search his fuzzy mind. Two thousand eleven I think." Faith eyes got wide. "She died in a fire saving my daughter and Jimmy Dohorty."

"Maybe we should start from the beginning."

"Okay. On September 23, 2002 I meet Seajae McBride at the station. Her parents were killed by a Texas Ranger hell bent on revenge for her grandfather sending him to prision. They guy tries to kill her a bunch of times between now and when he's cought and put to death in late 2003. We get married in March of 2003 and we have a baby in January of 2004." Bosco thought maybe he should stop because not long after that Fred was killed. But how would that effect things if …if Fred didn't die. Faith would never meet Caleb and Calee and Reese would never be born. Maybe telling Faith wasn't such a good idea.

"Well come on. Tell me more. I'm intrieged."

"We…Seajae and me go though lots of ups and downs but we pull though. You…you go though a lot. Get remarried…have a set of twins."

"What?"

"It's just a dream."

"Then tell me."

"We all become real good friends. Jimmy and Kim…Alex and Ty get married. Sully and his wife have kids. Fred dies and Seajae introduces you to a ex-FBI agent and have a set of twins. It's really a great, twisted life."

"Fred dies?"

"Yeah. Car accident." Bosco new he shouldn't of said anything at all to Faith. He should of just worked his shift and went home to loose himself in the Seajae of his dreams.

"Do you think this Seajae will look like the one of your dreams?"

"How could she not. She answered her phone Faith."

"Don't be dissappointed."

"How can I. It was a dream right?" They got a call and that was the last time anyones dreams were brought up until the locker room at the end of the shift.

-------------------

Faith stood at Bosco's locker as he tied his shoes. She watched him trying to wiegh weather to ask him more about his dream.

"What do you want to know?" He looked up. Bosco knew her too well.

"When does Fred…?"

"May of 2004." He finnished tieing his shoe. "Anything else?"

"Whatever that dream ment Bosco…If it may come true I like the man you were today. You...you were happy for the first time in over a year. I know…I hope that this thing tomorrow works out because I could live with you like this." She smiled.

"You should see me in a couple of years." He smiled. "I'm going home, going to bed and dreaming wonderful dreams." He slamed his locker and headed out the door. Sully and Ty were just coming in. "Have a great evening guys." Sully took a second look at the younger man.

"Who slipped Mr.Personality a happy pill?" Faith shook her head. Tomorrow was going to be an interesting day.

-----------------

A warm body curled agaist him. 'No not again.' Bosco had gone straight home and crawled into a cold empty bed. It was going to be the best night of sleep he would have in a long time. He was alone when he went to bed. Nicole didn't have a key. Why was this happening to him? All he wanted was his dream life back. Slowly he opened his eyes. The room was stark white. Sully slept in the chair in the corner with a blanket over him. Bosco glanced down at the woman curled next to him. She was blond but not brassy like Nicole was in 2002. It was a sweet cornsilk blond, hilighted by the sun. He slid his hand down her arm to her waist. Slowly, eyes closed he lifted her t-shirt. Just above her wiast band of her jeans was a raised pucker scare unmistakably made by a bullet. Bosco smiled. He was back in his dream. Back with Seajae, his kids, and opening his eyes, Sully as his best friends. Who would of thought.


	5. Stuck in Someone Else's Reality

My Crazy Beautiful Life

Chapter Five: Stuck In Someone Else's Reality 

Bosco held on to Seajae not wanting to wake her but hoping this dream was as real as the last one and lasted just as long. Seajae shifted and lifted her head. God she was beautiful. He forgot how beautiful her brown eyes sparkled when she was happy. Her smile was the most real thing in the world.

"I couldn't sleep knowing you were here alone."

"I wasn't alone. Sully was here." He pulled her close amazed how comfortable the two of them in a small hospital bed could be. "But don't tell him I like your company better."

"I can here you Bosco." Sully opened his eyes. "I don't blame you." He sat up and took the blanket off. "I guess I must have fallen asleep."

"We both did." Bosco couldn't stop looking at his wife. He couldn't stop thinking of her that way. She was his here and now. If he woke up again and found his bed, alone, in his apartment ten years ago he wasn't sure what he would do.

"I'm going to head home now that you've got a proper body guard."

"Thanks again Sully. For everything." Sully nodded and headed for the door. Bosco pulled Seajae closer and kissed her. "I missed you so much."

"MMMM not as much as I missed you." Bosco knew she would never believe that all this was just a dream.

"How are the kids?"

"Jack flew in this morning and he's staying with them. Not that Baily can't take care of the little ones. He's so good with them. Plus Charlie and him are like the best of friends lately." Bosco ran his hand up and down Seajae's back.

"I'm glad. They both need a good friend."

"Bosco is something wrong?"

"No. Just basking in your beauty."

"Oh now I know something is wrong. You never bask in anything." She started to sit up but Bosco pulled her back down. "What?"

"I don't…I don't want to wake up. I want you to be real."

"Bosco I am real." She ran her hand down his face. "I'm as real as you want me to be." He kissed. Tasted her like it was the first time. "See." She wispered.

"Promise me when I wake up you'll still be here."

"Bosco I'll always be here." She kissed him and laid her head on his shoulder and laced her left hand with his. He looked at the ring on her finger. She had put another stone in it. Baily's birthstone. Maybe she was his reality. Closing his eyes he pulled Seajae tight agaist him and hopped this was his life. His real, true life.

-----------

"BOSCORELLI!" Jason Christopher's voice echoed in his ear. Bosco jumped. He looked around. He was in rolecall. Faith beside him. What the hell just happened? "Thank you for rejoining us Bosco. Now if we can all stay awake long enough to get some work done I would like to introduce Agent Seajae McBride of the US Marshall's office on loan to the Department of Homland Security." Seajae started to walk to the front of the room but leaned over and wispered in his ear.

"I promise my speech will be much more iteresting then the brown nosers was." She winked at him and went to the front of the room. "Hello. As Sgt. Christopher said I am Seajae McBride. I have been with the Marshell's Service for most of my career. Homland Security hired me after 9/11 to track down leads in other terroist attempts. I'm the granddaughter of Hang Him Harry McBride who, if any of you know Texas folk lore, was one of the most repected, fair, pigheaded, stubburn jackass of a judge god ever created." That got a laugh. She stepped off the podium and walked down the isle. "My grandfather and father…mother…brothers and uncle and aunt were killed by a renigade Texas Ranger when I was two. I spent a lot of years in and out of foster care and military bases because my uncle was a career Army man with little or no parenting skills. Y'all probly wondering why I'm telling you this. Well I want you to know I'm a hard ass." She stopped infront of Bosco. "I will have your back if you're up agaist a wall. I will pull your ass out of the line of fire even if it means I'll be the one taking the bullet." She looked into Bosco's eyes. "An in turn I expect the same of you. I need each and everyone of you to help me track down a long and distiqished list of potental terroist and I will help you put the nieghbor hood scum in jail." She turned and walked back up the podeum and turned and looked out at the offices. But her eyes were on Bosco. "I want to get to know each and everyone of you. I want to help you in anyway I can and in turn I'm going to ask you to help me save this country." She smiled the smile Bosco remembered from his dreams.

"Now I can see why you fell in love with her." Faith wispered. Bosco knew that wasn't the speech Seajae had made ten years ago. It was bolder. More honest and to the point. He watched as she walked past him. Something was different but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"Okay ladies…lets get a move on. Boscorelli, Yokas…McBride requested you today so don't make fools out of yourselves." Christopher shuggled some papers and everyone dispersed. Bosco headed for the radio room to grab his radio. Faith trailing behind him.

"Bosco wait. Hold on." She pulled his arm. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well you just met the woman of your dreams."

"It wasn't the same as before."

"Before? You mean in your dream."

"Yeah. She never said anything about her family and how they died. She was really tight lipped about it till…"

"Till?"

"Till we were…in love." He grabbed his radio and headed out the back door.

----------

"I hate to break this up." A voice pulled Bosco from somewhere far away. He felt something move next to him. Pulling whatever it was closer.

"Bosco honey…wake up." Seajae wiggled and tried to move. "Bosco…you're hurting me." He didn't want to wake up. Waking up ment loosing her. "Bosco…" Seajae wispered in his ear. "It's okay baby. I'm here. I'm right here. Open your eyes Maurice." Bosco struggled. Waking up ment loosing her. Loosing what he needed the most. "Come on sweety." He opened his eyes. "See I'm here. Loosen your grip on my hip. You're hurting me." Bosco let go.

"I'm sorry…I…I was dreaming?" Was he? What was going on in his head?

"It's okay." She turned and Cooper Sinclair stood at the doorway.

"Time to rise and shine Bosco. Breakfast is waiting and so is your physical theripest. Romor has it he hasn't had the honor of the Boscorelli charm so this first meeting should be quite the expeirence." Cooper looked at the chart on the end of the bed. "Good morning to you too Seajae."

"Coop." Seajae got out of the small bed. "Long time no see." He smiled.

"The longer you stay away from this place the more I like it."

"Getting tired of us already?" Seajae reached for Bosco's hand. He had started to shake when she left his side.

"Never. You and your husband are my best costomers." As Cooper scanned the chart he glaced at Bosco. "What's the date Bosco?" Bosco looked at him.

"Huh?"

"The date? What's the date today Bosco?"

"September 23…"

"The year?"

"Two thosand…." He looked a little out of it and it took about thirty seconds but he finnished. "twelve."

"What's my name?"

"Cooper."

"My last name?"

"Jag off." Cooper smiled.

"Feeling better I see." He wrote something in the chart and hung it back up. "Matthew will be here to get you out of bed and get you moving."

"What happened to Hannah."

"She heard you were here and got her self knocked up. Figured it was the only way she wouldn't have to deal with your stubburn ass." Cooper put his pen in his pocket. "We'll start light. Getting you up and getting rid of the stifness." He headed for the door. "I'm not forseening any pain but I ordered some if your find you need it."

"Thanks Doc." Bosco was clinging on to Seajae's hand like she was his last salvation. "Bosco…are you sure your okay?"

"Fine. I'm fine really." He pulled her closer to the bed. "Please don't go."

"I'm not going anywhere." She sat on the bed next to him. "What makes you think I would leave?"

"I just need to know when I open my eyes every morning your'll be next to me."

"Don't worry about that." She kissed his hand. "I will always be her for you Bosco." Just then the physical theripest came in.

"Boscorelli?"

"That would be me." The young man came to the side of the bed.

"I'm Matthew." He reached for Bosco's hand and shook it. "Are you ready to take walk?" Bosco looked at the younger man.

"Not in this thing I'm not." He pointed to the hospital gown. Seajae stood up and before he could reach for her she was at the small dresser.

"I broght you some jogging pants and a t-shirt." She took it out of the drawer. "Want some help?" She was being unnatrally perky.

"Yeah. Please."

"I'll step outside for a minute." Matthew stepped out of the room. Seajae went to the bed.

"I think this is the first time I ever put clothes on you." They smiled at eachother. Bosco slid his legs over the edge of the bed. Seajae helped him on with his pants. "Your not helping me here."

"I like the view from where I am." She looked up at him. He ran his hand though her hair. "While your down there…" Seajae pulled up his pants and shook her head.

"Your incorrigable Mauice Boscorelli." Standing up she untied the gown and helped him put on his t-shirt. "You be a good boy for Matthew."

"You'll be here when I get back?"

"I have to go down to the car for something then I will come right back here and wait till the cute PT guy brings you back."

"Cute. You think he's cute?"

"Find out if he's single. Sasha needs a date for New Years."

"I't's September Seaj." She smiled and headed for the door.

"Good luck Matthew." Then she was gone.

---------

Seajae sat at the curb of the 55. Cigarette in one hand and cell phone in the other. She was talking loudly but not so Bosco and Faith could here when they stepped out of the station house. She stood up and saw them coming. Finnishing her call and putting out her cigarette.

"Faith, Maurice…" She put out her hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Bosco…Only my ma calls me Maurice." Seajae smiled.

"Bosco. Thanks for putting up with me."

"We didn't have a choice."

"You could of snuck out the back way." Her phone rang again. She checked it. "I need to take this can you give me a sec."

"Yeah sure." Seajae walked a few feet away and answered her phone.

"Any of this like your dream?" Faith wispered.

"Some. But…" When she turned he noticed what he knew was different. He swollowed hard. She was pregnant. "Oh dear God." Bosco turned and leaned over the car and threw up what was left of his breakfast

--------------

"Your wife seems nice." Bosco looked up as Matthew stepped in the room with a cane. Bosco shook his head to clear the cobwebs that seemed to over run it all of a sudden.

"She is. Very nice." Matthew handed Bosco the cane.

"How are your legs working?"

"I though you were the one who was suppose to tell me how they are." Matthew laughed.

"I guess that's what I get paid for. Try to stand." Matthew watched as Bosco stood. He nodded his head. "Good. Now walk." Bosco shook his head.

"You really good at this Matthew. I can see why Cooper made my appointment with you."

"That's why I get paid the bigh bucks." Matthew walked next to Bosco as they headed out the door. "I heard stories about you and your wife. How they have a wing planned with your name on it."

"After I pay for this visit I'm sure were going to be up to gold status."

"I never quite got what made a person risk their life for a paycheck."

"It's all about impressing the chicks Matthew my friend. Chicks dig the handcuffs." Matthew laughed as they headed down the hall.

"But you already got the girl man. I mean after you get the girl shouldn't you find a less dangerous job." Bosco stopped. He looked at the younger man.

"They like the rush too. It's all about the rush and the cuffs." Bosco smiled.

-------

"Bosco…God Bosco are you okay?" He turned and looked at Faith.

"Do I look ok?" Faith went into the car and got a handfull napkins. She went back and handed them to him.

"How do you know she's pregnant? I mean she's not a stick but she's not…"

"I've seen her pregnat twice Faith. I know. She's at least five months along. The extra weight hids it till her third trimester." He slid down the bumber and watched as she paced back and forth. "I guess it was just a dream. A dream that was so damned real Faith. I felt her. She was there with me always."

"You know as well as I do pregnant doesn't mean married."

"It's not the point Faith. What happens to our kids? Angel and Mac. And the miscarriage she has that nearly destroys us." Faith squatted down next to him and handed him a piece of gum.

"If you think she's the one, if she's single Bosco you need to try. Because I know this woman has done something to you. Something good. So you do what you need to do to find the closest thing to your dream you can." Bosco looked up just as Seajae slammed her phone on the ground and ground the heal of her boot down on the instument.

"That's my girl." He wispered.

-------------

"You want to turn around Bosco?" Matthew stopped a few feet from the nurses station.

"How am I doing?"

"Better then most of my coustomers." Ken was at the nurses station.

"He given you a bad time Matthew?"

"No sir." Ken looked at Bosco.

"You sleeping okay Boscorell?" Ken didn't like the sunken look of his friend's eyes.

"Sleeps over rated." He took another step and turned around. "Catch you at rounds Doc. Bring all the new inturns. I haven't scared an inturn in a few visits." Picking up his pace he headed back to his room Matthew telling him to slow down the whole way.

"Bosco…you may fall if you keep up the pace."

"I want to go home Matthew. Today."

"Today? By the look on Miller's face you'll be lucky if you get out next week."

"Im not scared of Miller."

"Well I am so slow down so you don't land on your face." The PT followed him back into his room. Bosco couldn't take going in and out of his two realities or dreams or what ever the hell they were. He couldn't take much more of this in and out crap. Sitting on the bed he looked up and Seajae was sitting next to the bed reading a magazine.

"What's chasing you?"

"Reality…" Bosco put his legs up and passed out feeling though his world was caving in around him.


	6. In The Middle With You

Thank you all for the imput on my recent endevore. Bosco and Seajae have become part of my family and I can't seem to stop. I hope the scence going back and forth aren't too confusing. As I write it the 2002 parts are in itallics but somehow loading it to fanfiction takes that away. Again for the record I own Seajae and a hand full of offspring but other then that I have to rights to any of the characters in this story. Thank you again for your support.

My Crazy Beautiful Life Chapter Six: In The Middle With You 

"Bosco…" Seajae came up to them. Her crushed phone forgotten. "Are you okay?"

"Fine. And you?" She turned and looked at her phone shattered on the ground.

"I've been better." She smiled. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Never better." He got up just as they got a call. Faith answered the radio.

"We got a fight at Dominic's Grocery. You want me to drive?"

"Yeah." Bosco went around the car and got in. Seajae got in the back. Faith buckeled up and headed the few blocks to the call. "You left your phone back there." Bosco looked at the woman in the back seat.

"I got a standing order. They tend to…"

"Break?"

"Okay we'll stick with that one. They break. A lot." Faith pulled up in front of the grocery store.

"I'll go around back. You ladies keep an eye on things up here." Bosco got out of the car and headed to the back of the store. The woman got out.

"A little tence isn't he?"

"A little. But lately he's been a little looser." Faith looked into the front window. "Oh crap." Before the bottle came down on the young woman's head it shattered, spraying glass everywhere and startling the young man holding the bottle. Faith tuned around. Seajae had her gun drawn and by the looks of it she had shot the bottle out of the young mans hand. At a hundred yards. Faith grabbed her radio. "Stand down Bosco. We're ok."

"I know." Was all he said. Faith went into the store.

"Johnny what the hell were you thinking?" Bosco came in the back door. He looked at Seajae leaning agaist the car.

"You got this Faith?"

"Yeah. Go check on her." Bosco went outside.

"You okay?"

"We keep asking each other that don't we?" She smiled. "I'm fine." She reached for her cigarettes.

"Should you be doing that?" He looked at her.

"It's my only vice."

"I mean being pregnant and all?" Seajae looked up. There was something in her eyes that Bosco had never seen in his dreams. Was it fear mixed with anger? Or was it something deeper.

------------2012-----

"Bosco?" Seajae was sitting next to him on the bed. "Something wrong?"

"No. I just want to go home." Ken stood in the doorway.

"Soon honey. I'm sure Ken will sign you out of this place soon as he can. Right Ken."

"As soon as he tells me whats going on in his head. You're thinking too hard Bosco. You need to relax." He walked to the bed. "You need something for that?" Bosco looked at Ken.

"The only thing I need to relax is my own bed and my wife." He looked at the floor.

"Seajae can you leave us alone for a minute?" Seajae looked at Ken and then Bosco. His hand tightly gripping her's.

"I'll be right back" He looked at her. She leaned over and kissed him. "I'll just be right outside." Bosco let go of her hand and let her leave.

"What's wrong?"

"Like I told you before. I just want to go home." Ken pulled up a chair.

"I have know you a long time. Something else is bothering you. I understand if you don't want to worry Seajae. You always think of her first. But sometimes you need to put yourself at the head of the line my friend."

---------------2002-----------

Bosco was getting his jacket on when Seajae came around the corner. He looked up and her hair was up it looked like she had been crying.

"I'm sorry."

"About what?" Bosco took his gun and put it in his shoulder holster.

"Freaking out when you asked about the baby. I didn't think anyone would notice."

"It was…just a guess. Why are you still smoking?"

"I only have a few a day. I just can't seem to destress my life enough to quit." She sat on the bench. "Bosco I…I just need to work right now. I can't be behind a desk."

"What does the father say about you working?" Seajae paled.

"Can we talk about this someplace else. You want to get some coffee?"

"My mom owns a bar a few blocks down. Best coffee in town." She smiled.

"You're on."

-----------2012--------

"I feel like this life is a dream. I keep sliding back to 2002. Seajae forgot but today…we met ten years ago today."

"She didn't forget." Ken went and opened the bathroom door. There was a huge boquete if ballons. "That's where she went when you went for your walk." Ken sat back down. "What do you mean sliding?"

"I go back. Back to that day. But things are different. She's different."

"You mean your dreaming of that first meeting?"

"No this is my dream." Ken cocked his head. Not quite understanding what his friend was saying.

"Bosco this is not a dream. If it were, this is not where I would be."

"They both feel real. I mean when I go I leave right where I was the last time."

"Is that why you're not sleeping?" You think you might not wake up in the reality you want to be in?"

"I don't know if I like how 2002 is going." Ken stood up.

"I'm sending you ass home." Bosco looked at him. "You're going crazy here. I got enough people there to take care of you there." He took Bosco's chart. You need your family and friends. You need to know that they are real."

"You're my friend Ken." He laughed.

"Yeah but I don't love you as much as your wife does."

--------2002--------

"I was raped." Seajae sat across from Bosco in a quiet corner of Angela's bar. He almost lost it when he saw his mom standing there looking so…alive. Now for the second time tonight Bosco felt like someone had kicked him.

"Seajae…I'm sorry." He reached for her hand but she pulled it off the table.

"I was on a assignment in Brooklyn. We found this cell that was teaching kids how to build bombs. I was angry at the world. The man who killed my parents keeps exscaping from the fedral prision in Waco. My mind wasn't in the game where it should have been." She sipped her coffee.

"We all have days like that."

"I don't. I live for my job." She smiled a sad smile. "I woke up in a dirty basement. My partner over me was yelling for help. I really didn't know what happened. I didn't even think about a rape kit until a few hours later. The though of one of those men tearing at my clothes." Bosco reached for her hand this time and held it.

"I'm wish I had words to make it better." She smiled at him.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because…when I saw you today I…I felt a connection. Like I'd know you all or at the very least some of my life. I know it sounds strange but…"

"You're the one who called me. Yesterday."

"Yeah. It was me."

"How did you get my number?"

"You wouldn't believe me." He sat back and took a swig of his beer.

"Try me."

---------2012------------

"I'll go get your wife and get some orders written up. Orders that you are to follow Maurice." Ken stood up. "No work, no stress." He opened the door. "Seajae, you can come in now." She came into the room. "I'm letting Bosco go home but I want him completely stress free." Seajae crossed her arms over her chest.

"Have you been to our house?"

"Stress free Seajae." She gave Ken a look she saved for him. Rolling her eyes she smiled.

"Yes sir. A stress free Boscorelli household coming right up."

"I'll call Kim Doherty and ask her to check his vitals twice a day. You will cut down your workload to forty hours max. You being in the line of fire 24/7 doesn't help." She knew that. She knew that Bosco worried far too much about her.

"You got it." She shifted her weight. "Anything else Hitler?"

"I'm giving you six weeks leave Bosco. You feel you need more or want to ride a desk I'm there for you. I want you a hundred-precent. I spent most of my career saving your wife's ass I won't loose your's over her bad habits." Ken walked out of the room.

"What do you think he ment by that?" Seajae looked at Bosco. He grabbed her and pulled her down on the bed and pinned her under him.

"It means your driving me nuts woman and he won't put up with it anymore." He kissed her. Kissed the woman he loved from this day forward twelve years ago. He worked hard to get her and he wasn't going to loose her now.

---------2002------------

"I had a dream. A dream about you." Bosco looked into the brown eyes he fell in love with.

"A dream?"

"A dream. A long, sweet, agonizing, beautiful dream that was our life together."

"We had a life?"

"Yeah." She looked at him. "Your not kidding are you?"

"Nope. Things were a little different but today…when we met it was the start of something."

"Is this a new pick up line. A new 'I've waited all my life for you'?" Bosco smiled.

"Maybe. But in my dream, you never chaged your cell phone number. That's how I knew it."

"You're out of you mind Boscorelli." He laughed.

"That's what my doctor told me."

-------2012--------

"Boscorelli!" Ken walked in the room. Bosco was on top of Seajae kissing her.

"I'm not stressed on bit." He laughed and got up. Ken was shaking his head. "You leave me alone with a woman like her what do you expect?"

"I expect you to act like a man who just might have had a stroke and just came out of a coma." Ken smiled. "And wait till you get home before you celebrate your first meeting." He signed a few papers and handed them to Seajae. "Wheel him downstairs. Cooper pulled your truck around. I don't want to see either of you back here till at least Halloween." He slammed his chart closed and headed out the door.

-------2002---------

"I do you like you Bosco." Seajae twirlled her spoon in her third cup of coffee.

"That's a start."

"I'm pregnant with a potental terroists baby."

"And I snore when I'm over tired." He looked at her. "Why didn't you…"

"Get rid of it?"

"I wasn't trying to pry or sound crule."

"I was in denile for a really long time. Then when I went to the doctor and I heard the heartbeat…I just couldn't." She took her spoon out of her cup and took a sip of her coffee. "Do we have kids…in your dream?"

"Yeah…we did."

-------2012-----

"You know as we walk down the hall the nurses are saying a prayer you going by." Seajae pushed him into the elevator. He smiled and waved at the men and women watching him go. "They do like it when a Boscorelli checks out of this place." The door closed. "You okay baby?"

"Better then I ever thought I could feel. Does almost dieing do that to you?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"You've done it more then once. I though you had the inside scoop." The doors opened and Matthew stood in the lobby with the balloons Seajae had hid in the bathroom.

"Ken said you might need these."

"Did you fly down here?" Bosco looked at the younger man.

"Nope. Old elevators run slow. I don't." He handed the balloons to Bosco. Also he handed him a paper.

"Therepy times. Don't be late. I hate waiting." He turned and headed down the hall.

"He's a strange one."

"But he does have qulities Bosco."

"For Sasha right?"

"Who else would I be looking for?"

-----2002-----

"Really, how many?"

"I might screw things up if I tell you."

"You can't tease me like that Bosco." She gave him that innocent girl look.

"Two…we have two and adopt one and the in about eight years I find out I have a son by a woman I met right after I got out of the army." He wasn't going to tell her about Miranda. The little girl they lost. Life was different now.

"Really. Wow that was some dream." Just then his mom came by.

"Honey…you need another drink?" Smiling she slid into the booth next to him. God he had missed her.

"No thanks Ma. I think I better bring Marshall McBride home." He looked at his mother then at Seajae. "She may turn into a pumpkin."

"You have quite a son Mrs. Boscorelli."

"Please call me Angela. He's not too bad is he?" She pinched his cheek. "Take care of this one Maurice." She slid out of the booth.

"I plan to ma. I plan too."

--------2012------

"I'm sorry." Seajae drove down the street.

"Sorry? For what?"

"For not thinking about your feelings."

"Baby you think more about my feelings then I do." Stopping at a red light she turned and looked at him.

"I don't want you to think that…I don't care. About your feelings."

"Seajae…for the last ten years you've done nothing but love me and care for me and our kids." The light turned green but she didn't move. "The light Seaj." She turned back and went though the intersection and pulled to the curb in front of the apartment. She put the truck in park and sat staring out at the warm September afternoon. "Whats wrong?"

"I wake up every morning thanking god he sent you to me. I just don't want my stupid insurcuities to make you hate me." Bosco took her face in his hand.

"Don't you ever…ever in a million years think I could ever hate you. Seajae Marie McBride Boscorelli I loved you for the last ten years for better or worse and lady we have lived though the worst shit imaganable. Ten years ago today you walked into my life and I…I thank God, or Budda or Alla or who ever runs this god-forsaken world that I have you in my life. Don't you ever, ever forget that." He kissed her then. He kissed like it was the first time. Or the last.

----------2002-------

"This is it." Seajae stopped infront of a brownstone not far from the station.

"Wow Homeland Security pays well."

"Was I a millionaire in your dreams?"

"Yeah. You grandfather's money right?"

"Yeah. My Uncle Jack and I got three fortunes. My granddad's, my dad's and my Uncle Ryan."

"I'm sorry about your family."

"It was a long time ago. I see Jack now and then."

"Has Mueller been caught?" Her eyes widened.

"You know about him too?"

"I dream pretty vividly."

"No. He's still out there somewhere waiting for me to let down my guard." The sun was starting to come up. "I got a pretty comfortable couch. Would you like to come up?"

"I'd love to."

-----2012----

Seajae let the euphoric feeling spread though her. Bosco's hands and lips always brought her to a place she craved everyday. It has been over a week since he touched her this way. It made catching her breath difficult when his hand slid down the front of her jeans. They had to stop. They were both to old to make love in the small yet roomy cab of Bosco's pick up.

"As much as I love the way your making me feel right now we need to go into the house." Bosco ran kisses down her cheek. He needed to feel her. Feel the way she made him feel now. He liked the Seajae of 2002. But she wasn't the Seajae he fell in love with. The one he loved was here. Now. "Bosco…"

"Please…I need you Seajae. I need to know that this is real."

"How can it be anything but." She kissed him and removed his hand from her waist band as a knock came at the door. "See. Were busted."

"Whoever it is we're busy." Bosco looked at Seajae. He wanted this time to stay here in his dream. Not stuck between now and then. He wanted this. Seajae and his family.

"Bosco…" It was Kim. "Bosco if your doing what I think your doing you need to at least get in the house so I can check your…oh hell just call me when your done." Bosco laughed and finished what he started.


	7. Take Me Home

My Crazy Beautiful Life

Chapter Seven: Take Me Home 

-----2002-----

"So this is how the other half lives?" Bosco looked around the apartment.

"It's not like the mansion in Texas but it will do." Seajae handed him some sheets a pillow.

"I don't want this day to end Seajae."

"The sun's coming up Bosco. It's already gone."

"Not until I close my eyes and fall asleep." He set down the bedding and took the two steps that separated them and did what he needed to do all day. He kissed her. Long and hard. Feeling her lips on him shot fire though him. He was home. No matter if it wasn't like his dream, he was home.

------2012-------

"You should go get Kim." Seajae followed Bosco up the steps.

"Me. I just got out of the hospital." Seajae smiled and swatted his rear. "Could of fooled me Boscorelli." Stepping in front of him she unlocked the door. He kissed her then. Wanting to prove this was his reality for the moment. Just then Kim opened the door.

"You two have a perfectly good apartment upstairs. Could you keep your hands to yourself long enough to get there please." Seajae and Bosco looked at their friend. She looked a little tence. "Are you coming?" She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Yes mam." They followed her to the elevator.

"I didn't tell the kids you were coming home to be prepared." Kids…Bosco smiled. His kids. His and Seajae's. They got out of the elevator and went down the hall.

"Thanks for taking care of me Kim. I know Ken wouldn't of let me come home if you hadn't said you'd watch my vitals." Kim stopped at the Boscorelli's door.

"You know I'd do anything for you Bosco." She smiled and opened the door. Half a dozen kids were laying infront of the television watching cartoons. Baily sat at the table holding baby Sean and Charlie was bouncing three year old Hope on his knee as they worked on something for school. Bosco took in the sight. This was home.

"DADDY!" Angel Faith and Mckenzie came running and Hope wiggled off Charlie's lap. "Daddy!" Bosco went to his knees and took the three children in his arms.

"I missed you monsters." He hugged them tight. "God I missed you." He kissed and hugged each child and tickeled them all till they giggled for him to stop. They went back to their friends as Bosco stood up. Baily was still holding Sean but he was looking at his dad.

"Hey pop." Bosco smiled and went to him. Kim took Sean and Bosco hugged his eldest son.

"I missed you too kiddo."

"I didn't like being in charge. I'm glad your back."

"You did a good job I hear." He looked at his apartment that Seajae had made into a home. Taking a deep breath he looked at Kim and his wife.

"It's good to be home." He smiled and hugged both the women and baby Sean.

--------2002----

"We shouldn't." Seajae wispered agaist his lips.

"I couldn't help it. I keep remembering my dream. Remembering how you tasted how you felt. It was so real. You were my everything in that dream."

"Bosco I'm pregnant. With a child of a man who raped me." He kissed her again.

"I don't care. I don't care what happened in your past…or mine. I fell in love with a dream and you are that dream Seajae."

"Your crazy." She laughed. Running her hand down his face. "You don't know me."

"I know you don't like top sheets, and underware. You like your coffee black and diet pepsi and cigarette's keep you going when your on a case. And that your mom is a beautiful Indian madian who loved so much she hid you away in a closet to protect you. And I know you see things. Things that might not be there but they tell you everything you need to know. I know that you hate mornings and rainy days and that you give with everything you have. Weather it's love, friendship or work you put all your heart into it." Seajae was looking at him like he was crazy.

"How…?"

"In my dream I lived a lifetime of memories with you. I knew every inch of you. You were my wife. The woman I needed, wanted every single day of my life."

"I'm not that woman Bosco. She's a dream. Someone you dreamed of. Not me. Not me. I'm a wreck of a human being. I…." He kissed her gentally.

"We both are that's why we get along so well."

--------2012------

"He's flipped his lid Seajae." Kim sat at the table with her friend.

"Because he hugged you?" Seajae took a sip of her beer.

"That man has smiled more in the past two hours then I've seen him smile in two years. Did Ken give him some happy pills?"

"Not that I know of. Maybe he just needed a week in a coma." Seajae tried to keep it light even though it was scaring her to death. "I can't believe he hasn't handed off the baby to someone else." Kim laughed.

"I told you that boy is going to break hearts."

"I didn't expect him to steal my forty year old husbands heart." They were watching a basketball game on TV. "Thank you for letting Jimmy come over and play. Bosco needs a friend his age to play with." Seajae giggled.

"I think they needed some other bonding. They grow apart after one has to do CPR on the other." Kim laughed again. "Oh god I haven't even had anything to drink." Both woman were laughing hard now. Jimmy and Bosco looked at them

"You guys okay in there?" Jimmy looked at Kim.

"Fine." They both giggled. Both men shook their heads and went back to the game.

"We should go home. I'm sure Ireland isn't in bed. She's got Joey wrapped around her finger. I swear she thinks he was put on this earth to be her servant."

"The girls are like that with Baily too. Everybody should have a boy child and then wait about ten years." Seajae went and checked on the kids. Baily was reading a book Mac curled next to him. "You can put him to bed anytime Baily."

"He didn't want to sleep in his bed. I don't mind." He looked at Seajae.

"Is something wrong?"

"No. Why?"

"You just seem…off. Like your not…like your waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"That's my life." She smiled. "Ten minutes and then lights out kiddo."

"Okay. Night mom."

"Night sweety." Seajae turned and and headed back down the hall. Bosco was sitting at the table. Jimmy and Kim were leaving. "He scare you off?"

"No we noticed it was almost eleven." She smiled. "I took you husbands vitals. Please keep his bloodpressure down please."

"I will try. See y'all tomorrow." Seajae was getting tired. Her soft southern drawl came more pronouced when she was loosing steam. She sat down across from him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"When was the last time you got any sleep."

"This morning in your hospital bed." He looked at her. She was a little pale.

"We always do sleep great in a hospital bed." He took her hand. " You need to get some sleep."

"So do you."

"I…I can't."

"Can't?"

"When I do I wake up and everythings different."

"How are they different?"

"It's just not the same." He took her hand and kissed it. "Nothing's ever the same." He took her in his arms. "I never want this to end."

"I don't have any plans to end this anytime soon." She looked into his eyes that shown everything he was feeling. "Tell me what's wrong Bosco."

"I just want to stay in this dream. Here with you."

"Honey you know I can't be a dream." She kissed his cheek. "I would be a nightmere." She smiled. He laughed.

"Well you're the best nightmere I've ever had." Hugging her close he closed his eyes. She felt so real. Smelled so real.

------2002----

Bosco woke up with a heavy heart. Seajae lay beside him. He knew her inside and out but something was different about the Seajae of his dreams. The Seajae beside him was cold. He didn't feel like he had in his dream. She had warmed him from the inside.

"It was just one night Boscorelli." Bosco looked at here. She looked scared.

"I'm still here aren't I?"

"You look like your ready to run." Bosco would never run from the life he knew they could have. The life he dreamed of.

"I can't run from you. You had me from the moment I saw you." He pulled her into his arms. He need to feel her close. Feel the feeling he felt in his dreams. Closing his eyes he wanted the dream to come back.

------2012-----

"Bosco…" Seajae watched as his eyes went cold. He felt him hanging on to her waist almost painfully. "Bosco?" She tried to get up but he clung to the wistband of her jeans. Then he let her go and the warmth returned to his eyes. "Where were you?"

"I don't know." She knew he was lying. In ten years he had never tried to really hide anything so she knew when he was.

"I'm going to bed." She kissed him. "You coming?"

"Yeah. In a few minutes." Seajae got up and headed to the bedroom. Bosco stood and went to the entertainment center and grabbed the portable cd player and a cd he knew had a song he wanted…needed to here. He went out on the patio and sat on one of the chase chairs that were out there. He put the cd in the player, put the head phones on and laid back and closed his eyes.

YOU GOT SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO MAKE IT ALL RIGHT

SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU MORE THEN LIFE RIGHT HERE

YOU GOT WILLIN' ARMS THAT'LL HOLD YOU TIGHT

A HAND TO LEAD YOU THOUGH THE NIGHT RIGHT HERE

I KNOW YOUR HEART CAN GET ALL TANGLED UP INSIDE,

BUT DON'T KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.

WHEN YOUR LONG DAY IS OVER

AN' YOU CAN BARLY DRAG YOUR FEET

THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD IS ON YOUR SHOULDERS,

I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED…BRING ON HOME TO ME

The song came out not long before their fourth aniversery. It become a song they lived by. A song that catigorized their life to a T.

YOU KNOW I KNOW YOU LIKE THE BACK OF MY HAND

AND YOU KNOW I'M GONNA DO ALL THAT I CAN RIGHT HERE

GONNA LIE WITH YOU TILL YOU FALL ASLEEP

WHEN THE MORNING COMES, I'M STILL GONNA BE RIGHT HERE

(OH YES I AM)

TAKE YOUR WORRIES AND JUST DROP THEM AT THE DOOR

BABY, LEAVE IT ALL BEHIND

WHEN YOUR LONG DAY IS OVER

AN' YOU CAN BARLY DRAG YOUR FEET

THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD IS ON YOUR SHOULDERS.

I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED…BRING IT ON HOME TO ME

It ment something to him then. It was what he needed now. Seajae. The one of his dreams to be real.

BABY, LET ME BE YOUR SAFE HARBOR

DON'T LET THE WATER COME CARRY YOU AWAY

WHEN YOUR LONG DAY IS OVER

AN' YOU CAN BARLY DRAG YOUR FEET

THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD IS ON YOUR SHOULDERS,

I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED…BRING IT ON HOME TO ME

OH, BRING IT ON HOME

YEAH, BRING IT ON HOME TO ME

(HOME TO ME)

OH, BRING IT ON, BRING IT ON HOME TO ME

YOU'VE GOT SOMEONE HERE WANTS TO MAKE IT ALL RIGHT

SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU MORE THEN LIFE RIGHT HERE….

Bosoc let the song drift to and ending and took the head phones off. He had to make this his reality. Not his dream. He quietly put the player back on the shelf and went into the girls room. They were both snuggled deep in their blankets He leaned over and kissed them both and took in the scent of each of them. If he fell alseep they would be gone. He went into the boys room. Baily had fallen asleep reading a book. Bosco took it and put it on the table and turned off the light.

"Leave it on." Baily snuggled deeper into his blanket.

"You got it kid." Bosco turned the light back on and covered Mac.

"Night daddy." The little boy wispered as Bosco kissed his cheek. "I love you."

"Love you too."

------2002-----

Bosco watched as Seajae made breakfast. He had offered to help her but she refused. She was shaking as she put the toast in the toster. She looked up.

"Quit staring at me."

"Sorry." He looked into his coffee cup. "I just…can't find her in you." He knew he was being too honest but the his Seajae would want honesty.

"She was a dream Bosco. A woman that you made up in your mind." She looked up from the vegtables she was slicing for omlets. "You fell in love with an image and to tell you the truth I was afaid I wouldn't live up to that image."

"You are her. Just something happened. Something to make you different."

"Until yesterday you didn't know me. You dialed a number and I was on the other end that's all Bosco." He didn't want to believe it. He wouldn't believe that he couldn't make the real Seajae love him like the one in his dream.

------2012------

"Bosco?" Seajae found him leaning agaist the railing look out at the city. The patio was chilly and she was wrapped in the blanket that lay at the foot of their beed for almost ten years. "It's late. Are you coming to bed?"

"I'm not tired."

"You don't have to sleep to come to bed." She wrapped her arms around him and layed her chin on his shoulder. "Tell me about her." He tuned.

"Who?"

"Whoever is steeling you mind from me. Bosco…talk to me."

"She is you." He turned and held Seajae arms length away from him.

"Tell me."

"She's you but different. Somethings different." She looked at him. Seajae knew about haunting. More then once she had been haunted by a memory or an event. "She's you in 2002. But things…different things happened and she's not the same."

"Bosco…you know it's just a dream. Your safe home with us."

"But I keep going back to her. I…I don't like the way I feel when I'm with her. I want to stay here but I can't. You're the dream." Out of the blue Seajae stepped back and slapped him across the face. "Owwwwwww. What was that for?"

"Did that feel real?" He looked at the woman he had loved for so many years. The anger was brewing in her eyes.

"Yeah. It felt real but so has the last ten years. And now I don't want to go back." How could he tell her that he wanted to stay here with her? That the Seajae of 2002 wasn't what he needed. He needed her. This Seajae. He grabbed her and pulled her into his arms. "I love you. I won't ever forget this." He kissed the top of her head.

-------2002-----------

"I know everything about you."

"Yet the Seajae in your dreams isn't me." She handed him a plate with an omlet.

"You get shot by Muller in six months in my dream. It defines our relationship. You lost so much blood. From that moment on I want to save you from Muller and everthing else that came our way." He looked down at his plate and played with his omlet. "It was the day I knew I couldn't live without you."

"Muller shoots me, in six months?"

"In my dream."

"Let's hope that's one part of your dream that doesn't come true." Seajae ran her hand down her stomach.

"I for one can do without that drama."

-----2012-----

Seajae hugged Bosco close. It had been a long times since she used let her power overcome her. More years then she cared to remember. She had let it come and go as she needed it. Sometimes she even fought it. Closing her eyes she let the power of her ancestors pour into her.

Bosco felt like he was floating. He looked around and Seajae was gone. He was alone in a dark room. He felt warmth overtake him.

"_Maurice."_

"_Ma?" It couldn't be. In this dream she was dead._

"_Yes." She took his hands and she was in front of him. Seajae's mother standing beside her. "Cathleen brought me to you. Seajae…Seajae misses you."_

"_Misses me?"_

"_You have to go back to her Maurice. Without you she can't go on."_

"_When…I don't know whats real and what isn't anymore. Which dream isn't a dream?" Cathleen took his hand._

"_You pick. Niether is a dream nor a reality." She smiled. "You need to choose what is best for you."_

"_You know which I would choose."_

"_Then go back to her. Make it your reality."_

"_What about the other…Seajae." He felt bad. He didn't want to hurt her. Leave her alone._

"_The other is not real. You make the one you need your reality. Your home is where you wish it to be." He knew that Cathleen was right. If he wanted his Seajae and his life to be real it could be._

"_I love her. I need her."_

"_As she does you. Maurice all you need to do is open your eyes and it becomes your life." Cathleen sqeezed his hand._

"_Promise me she'll always be there." The smile tightened on Seajae's mother's face._

"_You know I can not do that. I can not change the path your life takes. I can guide and I can advise but never change the path."_

"_Your telling me that she'll be taken away from me?" Bosco couldn't bear to loose her. Not after all he went though. "When? How?"_

"_We all have a time to leave our exsistance. Seajae's time will come as will yours." Cathleen was gone. His mother was gone. Seajae was in his arms._

"Bosco?" 

"Yeah."

"Where did you go?"

"To see your mother." He held her close. Cathleen's words sickened him. How could he chose this life and have her taken away from him.

"How was she?"

"Fine." It was all he said. He let her go and guided her back to the bed room. He would live every minute in this reality. Take every day that God gave him with this woman. She was his love. His life. His home.

-----2002----

She was alone. It wasn't the first time or the last she woke up alone. But soon her life would be different. Rubbing her belly she smiled. She had a good feeling about this baby. She was going to make a difference. Be everything she couldn't be. Turning over she smelled the pillow next to her. He wasn't ready. Someday maybe he would be but now it was just her and her baby. Smiling she got up and started her day.

------2012----

Seajae stood at her husbands hospital bed. She hadn't cried for so long. He wasn't responding to anything Cooper and Kevin had given him. He was giving up. Kevin stood beind her. She needed more time he knew that. But things wern't looking too good.

"How are you doing Seajae?"

"How would you feel if the one person you needed in the world 's life was in your hands."

"I couldn't make the call. You know that." He knew she had a support system. One bigger then any other. He was part of that support system. "You don't have to make a decision now." Kevin Miller took a step forward to put his hand on Seajae's shoulder. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Bosoc reaching out. "But maybe…he might have something to say about it." Seajae looked up and say her husbands eyes open. He was reaching for her.

"Bosco….don't talk…" He grasped her hand. This was his life. Life with the woman he had loved for a forth of his life. Today he would tell show her that this is where he needed to be. This was home.


End file.
